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Hi Linda,

I often feel overwhelmed at times, too. But often, for me, focusing on how overwhelmed I am is totally overwhelming. It reminds me of when I was a little girl. My mom would say, "Carie, go clean up your room." My room would be a total disaster and I'd go in there and just be totally overwhelmed with the mess, not knowing how to even begin the daunting task, and that would just immobilize me. Mom would come back in and I'd done nothing, which would infuriate her. Finally, I realized that if I started in one corner and just cleaned up that, it would be something do-able, achievable. That clean corner would then lead me into the next spot.

What I do is break the stuff down into chewable parts and focus on what I can chew right now. What of all the stuff overwhelming you can you do right now? If you're not at work right now, then don't be at work right now. If you're not paying a bill right now, then don't be in your head worrying about paying the next bill. If you're not interacting with your partner right now then don't be replaying old scenarios or imagining how future ones will go down. My take on it is that life isn't overwhelming; rather, it's how I'm choosing to use my mind that is overwhelming.

For me, Linda, it's all about meditation. Clearing my mind, getting rid of the tension, letting go of the thinking about stuff. That's how I live my life....yoga mind, unity consciousness, all day long, as much as I'm able. It's what I give my attention to. And when the overwhelm creeps up I remember that I have choice. I can stay with the overwhelm and pretend that life is simply that way and I just have to cope with it, OR I can use the tension to remind me to stop, relax, breathe, and choose for something else: my peace, my clarity.

When I'm clear then things don't bother me. At least they don't bother me as much or for as long as they do when I'm spinning around. Clarity is a choice that makes all the difference about the way I experience and live my life. It determines my perception about everything, which, in effect, is everything to me.

In terms of your guy, remember that communication is the key. Sounds like he's doing what guys typically do: fix problems. They are very good at it. If you bring up a problem, they're going to bring up a quick and speedy solution so that you can feel better. If all you want to do is talk, like us girls typically want, then let him know. "Hey, I don't need a solution to this, I just need to talk about it for a sec. Would you please just be an ear so I can talk this out? That would really help me, thanks." Be clear that you're not seeking a solution and that the simple act of venting will actually be your solution. To most guys, the talking is just incessant, draining ranting that a simple solution would alleviate. He's very likely just trying to help. Communicate clearly what you need him to do and he'll probably be really glad to do something you've asked him to do. It'll make him feel valued and appreciated.

Carie

I agree with Sandy - that's a great book. I just read it for the first time about a year ago. It's written by a man and it was extremely helpful to me. The one I read a long time ago is called You Just Don't Understand, by Deborah Tannin, I think it is. My job at the time required me to communicate with lots of mechanical engineers and it helped me tremendously.

Mark's right too. There have been many times where I've perceived a "know-it-all" attitude by men, when, really, they were just trying to be very clear and unambiguous.